Humm . . .

Okay folks, you know I'm not usually the type to pander for reviews. In fact, it makes me want to barf whenever somebody blackmails others into writing reviews for them by claiming they won't post anymore if they don't get reviews.

Me, I have no intention of stopping posting soon. There's a small, egotistical side of me that gets a thrill seeing my stuff published at all, even via an easy system such as Fanfiction.net. However, I really have to ask -- is there some way in which you guys find these MiSTings lacking as opposed to others? I've been curious about what goes into people's decisions to review some fics and not others.

Me, I get reviews, but not from the same people as other fics. My actual prose tends to get more commentary. So . . . what's up?

I'm open to any way I can improve these MiSTings. In fact, the trimming you see for this one was one such suggestion. So please . . . enlighten me. It's the only way I can grow as a writer.

With that in mind, back to the MiSTing at hand.

*******************

[They head back into the theater. Hibichi is humming the "Dodgy Salesman" theme from a British game called Simon the Sorceror.]

Crow 2: Oh, shut up.

------
/* Figaro Desert *\
Locke was on his Chocobo when he heard a scream coming from behind him. He stopped his Chocobo, and looked. He saw the Chocobo of Celes running toward him... with nobody on it.

Kirin: It was the Phantom Chocobo Rider, out for blood! The horror!
Alexis: Cute, Kirin.

He caught the Chocobo, and ordered his Chocobo to go back where he came from.

Crow 2: [Locke] Away, foul demons of cuteness and overdone theme songs! Begone!
Hibichi: Cool! Demon chocobos!

After a couple of seconds, he saw a pair of legs coming out of the sand. He laughed, and stopped his Chocobo. He got down, walking toward the legs. "Poor Celes", he said smiling!!

Alexis: Wow!! That's really amazing!!

He pulled out on the legs.

Kirin: Only to find . . . there was NOTHING ATTACHED! BWA HA HA HA!
[Hibichi shudders]

"There you go Celes. What happened to you?", he asked her... The blonde girl turned her head to face this man.

Alexis: Then it continued turning, completing a full 360 degrees.
Crow 2: [Mina] Did I ever mention I'm related to a barn owl?

Locke : What the?? Hey you're not Celes!!
Mina : (Spitting some sand) That wasn't a cool experience. (She looked up)

Kirin: [Mina] Whooooa. Gnarly. A dude.

Ohhhhhhhhhh!!! (Eyes turning into hearts) He's so handsome!!

[All wince]
Hibichi: She should see an optimologist for that.

Locke : Who are you? Where's Celes?
Mina : Celes? I don't know anybody with that name... My name is Mina.
Locke : Mina... Well I can see you're not Celes, but you are as beautiful as her.

Kirin: Oh, she's definitely got him mixed up with Edgar.
Crow 2: Wow, he's a smooth mover. Loses one girl, immediately moves to get another one.

>Mina : (Blushing) A... G... Yg...
Locke : What did you do with Celes? You may be cute, but I won't show any mercy!

Hibichi: [Mina] Just the way I like it! *WHACK!*

Mina : But... But I don't know this Celes!!
Locke : (Taking is Wing Edge) How come you were riding her Chocobo then?

Alexis: [Mina] Because she didn't tip me. That'll teach her to be kind to her valets.

Mina : A what?? A Chopodo?
Locke : Chocobo!!
Mina : What's a Chocobo? It sure has a weird name.

Crow 2: [Locke] An annoyingly cute merchandising gimmick.

Locke : Hmm... You seem so ignorant. A Chocobo is a big bird, just like the one behind me.

Alexis: You know what this reminds me of? Digimon, when they introduce every freaking character just like this.
Crow 2: Fangirl.
Alexis: NO! I stopped watching the second I saw that!

Mina : Hey watch your words hot shot. I can't know what's a Chocobo is if I never saw one before.
Locke : Where do you come from then? There's no place in this world where Chocobos are unknown.

Kirin: [Locke] Well, except for Nochocobo, but they're a bunch of freaks.

Mina : Tokyo, in Japan.
Locke : Tokyo? Japan? Are you sure you feel all right? I'm sorry, but I traveled across the World a lot of times, and there is no town called Tokyo, or Japan.

Crow 2: [Locke] Then again, the world kinda shifted a while back, so maybe things changed a little . . .

Mina : I thought so... After seeing those birds. And what's you name?
Locke : I'm the great Locke Cole, world's best treasure hunter.
Mina : Treasure hunting? That's your job? (She starts laughing)

Hibichi: Locke, offended, ripped her throat out.
Alexis: No, that's if she called him a thief.

Locke : What's so funny girl?
Mina : Sorry, but from where I come, treasure hunting is not taken seriously.

Kirin: [Mina] It's taken with a glass of water and two hours after eating.

Locke : That's ridiculous!! Look at your medallion. I'm sure it's worth a lot of gold pieces. Celes had one similar to that.

Crow 2: [Locke] These people in this "Taiwan" place must be really good craftsmen!

Mina : Gold pieces?? This looks like a big old fairy tale... Wait a minute... Did you said you knew a person with another necklace like this one?
Locke : Celes had one... But it was a flame instead of a snowflake.

Hibichi: Ooh, flames are bad. They mean you really pissed off somebody.
Kirin: Beats letter bombs.

Mina : A Flame??? Oh no... The legend!! It's true after all...

Alexis: [Mina] The Arc of the Covenant really DOES exist! Oh wait, wrong legend.

Locke : What are you talking about? What legend?

Kirin: Legend of Luke.
Alexis: Legend of Zelda.
Hibichi: Legend of Lemnear.
Crow 2: Legend of the Lost Cities of Gold.

Mina : It's a long story...
Locke : Well, Mina right? You seem like a nice girl that tells the truth after all. Why don't you ride with me back to the castle. You can explain this mystery to me and my friends.

Hibichi: [Locke] Both of 'em, heh heh. [pause] No whack?
Alexis: No, because for some odd reason the same thing popped into mind.
Hibichi: Cool! That -- HUH?!

Mina : Beats staying here...
Locke got on his Chocobo. He lowered his hand to Mina. She took it, blushing, and sat right behind Locke.

Kirin: And wouldn't you know it, he had three buttocks.
Crow 2: [Mina] Strewth!
Hibichi: But you . . . with the wha-ha . . . and . . . prude! But . . . [begins muttering in incoherent Japanese]
Kirin: [softly] Did you really think that?
Alexis: [ditto] No, but it's fun to blow his mind every so often.

He gave an order, and the Chocobo ran very fast toward the castle. "Where am I?", she thought to herself...

Alexis: A fanfic. Where else?

------
/* Cherry Hill Temple *\ Inside the Temple, the 3 Scouts transformed to their normal forms, at the amazement of Celes.

Crow 2: [Celes] Wow! I had no idea you guys were so ugly in reality!

Raye told her 3 friends and Celes what she knew about the medallion of Mina. Serena didn't understand much about it, but she knew her friend was missing. She was lost in her thoughts,

Kirin: . . . since it was largely unfamiliar territory.

and the three others were discussing about this mystery.

Kirin: [Charlie Chan] Ancient Chinese saying: no put on strange jewelery, or else bad fanfic occur.
Alexis: [Phillip Marlowe] The whole situation stinks worse than a slice of week-old limburger cheese on a heater in the middle of a garbage dump.
Crow 2: [Velma] Jinkers!

Raye : That's all I know...
Lita : This doesn't explain where Mina is. Poor girl...

Kirin: [Lita] So, who's up for brownies?
Others: [Scouts and Celes] Ooh! Ooh! Us!

Amy : Well, it's only logical to think that Mina took the place of Celes in her world. You told us that another medallion would appear when the first one was worn... It seemed that this happened. And Celes was teleported here, right where Mina was sitting... Well that's what I think... What do you think?

Crow 2: [Raye] I think we should all strip down and have a massive orgy -- you know, like all the other fics. *WHACK!*

Raye : (Tear Drop) Well... Hmm, I'm with you Amy.
Celes : So this Mina girl took my place? I hope she can defend herself, because my world is very dangerous.

Kirin: [Celes] I mean, it doesn't even have an adequately spread out police service. And don't get me started on public transportation . . .

Lita : Don't worry about her... She knows how to fight. I just hope Amy is right.
Celes : But how do I get back into my world?

Crow 2: [Fairy Godmother] Oh, but Celes! You've been able to go home the entire time! All you need to do is click those ruby slippers together three times and say, "There's no place like home" three times!

Amy : I'm afraid there is no answer to that question right now Celes... I'm sorry.
Raye : And if Amy says it, there is really nothing we can do for now...

Hibichi: [Raye] Amy is the all-knowing. She sees all, knows all. Worship her.

Celes : Damn...
Serena : Well, why don't we go see that clerk again? Maybe he's hiding something...

Alexis: Just as long as he doesn't hide it on his body . . .
[Hibichi twitches]

Raye : (Eyes wide open) Serena... Amazing!!
Serena : What did I do?

Kirin: [Raye] You've just won forty million yen! What're you gonna do next?
Crow 2: [Serena] I's goin' to Di-nae-land!

Lita : (Smiling) That's a great idea Serena.
Raye : Yeah... It's amazing it came from her.
Serena looked at her sadly, and she lowered her head. Amy and Lita looked at Raye in an unpleasant way. That last remark really hurt Serena's feeling.

Alexis: Well, it ought to come back once the circulation returns.
Kirin: Alexis . . .

Raye had her mouth opened, but nothing was coming out.

Crow 2: For once.
Hibichi: What did she expect, a proboscis?

She looked at Serena again, and went besides her.
Raye : Serena... I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was really stupid of me. The suggestion you made was a really good idea. And I'm happy you thought about it.

Alexis: [Raye] Even if you did kill a few brain cells in the process -- d'oh!

Serena : (Looking at her) Really? (She hugged Raye) Thank you Raye... Thank you very much.

Kirin: This moment of mush brought to you by Hallmark. Remember: for every moment of stomach-churning mushiness, there's a card.

Raye didn't say a thing. She looked at Serena. She turned her head to look at her two friends. They were now smiling. She smiled too. Celes was in the back, polishing her sword.

Alexis: That's what I like about Celes. She's above participating in happy-happy moments.

Celes : This girl has leadership. Maybe it doesn't show at first sight, but believe me, I know these kind of things, as I already been a general.

All: o/~ She's been the very model of a modern major general . . . o/~

Serena, don't let the words of others disturb you. You have a good heart and a beautiful spirit. But you must be strong.

Hibichi: [Serena] But . . . I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE STRONG! WAAAAAAHHH!!!

Serena : (Stunned) Really? Jeez... Thank you Celes.
Celes : Don't mention it girl...

Crow 2: [Celes] Hey, girlfriend! Chee-ill!

Lita : Why don't you talk to us about your world Celes?
Amy : Yes. I'm really interested to know how things work in your world.

Kirin: [Celes] Well, I think they work through some strange force called "physics," but I've always been a bit fuzzy about that . . .

Celes : Why not... I have nothing else to do anyway.
The 4 girls approached themselves of her. And she told her story.

Alexis: [Celes] Now lemme tell a story bout a man named Jed . . .

How she was a general in the Empire under Emperor Gestahl, how she was beaten in thrown in prison,

Crow 2: She was getting "the royal treatment."
Hibichi: That's "thrown," not "throne."
Crow 2: Oh, lighten up.
Kirin: She was being submitted to TOR-CHA!

accusing of being a spy, how Locke saved her, how she became a member of the Returners that fought against the Empire, how Kefka killed Gestahl, and destroyed their world.

Kirin: And how they all died. The end.

She told them about her friends : Edgar, the King of Figaro and his brother Sabin. Cyan, a Knight from Doma who lost is family tragically. Setzer, the gambling man, and owner of the world's only airship.

Alexis: Cause he's a o/~ gamblin' man... o/~

Shadow, the mystical ninja and his dog Interceptor.

Hibichi: I thought the Mystical Ninja's name was Goeman.
Kirin: It's Shadow the Mystical and his faithful dog, Interceptor!

The little Relm who could

Crow 2: She thought she could, she thought she could, she thought she could . . .

draw anything and her grand-father Strago with lots of wisdom. The little Moogles who are always adorable.

Alexis: Except on bad hair days. Then they're just kinda mean.

The savage Gau who lived on the Veldt. Gogo and Umaro, two very weird but lovely characters.

Crow 2: They were kind of like Bjork and Shirley Manson, in that regard.

And finally, the beautiful Terra who can turn onto an Esper, and Locke, the world's best treasure hunter. She explained what were Espers, and at the end, how they defeated Kefka and brought peace to the world again.

Kirin: Neglecting to mention, of course, how she managed to use magic when it no longer existed.
Hibichi: [Serena] Yeah, but did your entire group get killed off in order to do it? Beat that!

Amy : FASCINATING!! That's a nice story.

Crow 2: Notice how she smiles and nods as she reaches for the phone to call the funny farm . . .

Serena : I'm glad you understood Amy... My head is spinning.

Alexis: [Serena] o/~ 'Cause it's you girl makin' it spin . . . o/~

Raye : It's incredible... A world where you can use magic at will. Nobody can do that here.

Hibichi: [Celes] Well technically, nobody can do that there either anymore, but let's not get into that.

Celes : That's my world... A once beautiful world, destroyed by an evil man. Luckily, life goes on.
Lita : (Yawning) Well, it was an interesting, but long story... How about we go to bed, so that tomorrow we can be in good shape.

Crow 2: They're ALWAYS in good shape . . . heh . . .
Alexis: There's just no dealing with pervs.

Raye : You're right... Celes, you'll sleep here. Do you guys want to sleep here too?
Amy : I have no problem with that...
Lita : It will be quicker for tomorrow.
Raye : Serena?
Serena : Zzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz

Kirin: By the Gods! She's turned into the Fly!
Hibichi: [squeaky] Help me! Help me!

Raye : (Tear Drop) She's unbelievable...
Amy : (Laughing) Well, I guess that's a "Yes".
Raye : All right... Well, I'll bring blankets for you girls.

Crow 2: [Raye] I'll get one for you too, Celes.
Alexis: [Celes] Thanks, I -- HEY!

Celes : I'm not very sleepy... I'll look at the sky a bit... I'll eventually fall to sleep, like I always do.

Kirin: [Celes] Stars are REALLY BORING, y'know?

Lita : (Putting a hand on her shoulder) Hey... Don't worry. We'll find a way to send you back Celes...
Celes : (Smiling) Thank you Lita... I'll be okay.
The girls went to sleep. "Good night Mina... Where ever you are", thought Amy.

Crow 2: Amy IS Jimmy Durante in Blonde Exchange.

Celes was watching the sky. There was no expression on her face.

Kirin: For she was DEAD! BWA HA!
Hibichi: Enough with the evil laughter already!

She was just looking, thinking about many things. A tear fell from her eyes... After a long time and reflexion,

Alexis: "Reflexion?"
Crow 2: [Celes, twitching] Agh! Ack! Argh! Stupid bugs, why'd I decide to sleep outside?
Kirin: Them's good reflexes.

she finally felt into a deep sleep.

Kirin: SLEEEEEEEP!
Alexis: Good place to put a break, don't you think?
Kirin: Yeah, what the hell.

[They exit the theater.]

[Door Sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6]

[Cambot is on.]

[Crow 2 and Hibichi each have amulets. They're laughing.]

Crow 2: Okay, okay, now I stand over here, and on the count of three we do it again, okay? One, two . . .

[They put on the amulets and walk off just as Bodger comes on screen, humming some sort of tune to herself.]

Bodger: o/~ Hmmm . . . hmmm . . . hey Joel, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey -- o/~ GAH!

[Two bright flashes are seen either side of the screen. Crow 2 and Hibichi walk back on, but they're on opposite sides to each other. Bodger starts, and begins panting with shock.]

Hibichi: Hee hee! Okay, now you go over there and stand on your head. I'll do a Superman pose, and --

Bodger: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

Crow 2: Hey, Bodger! Turns out those cheap amulets I bought actually work! We've been playing with them ever since we got out of the theater!

Bodger: [looking hopelessly lost] Huh?

Hibichi: Yeah! Kind of a pity we can't get off the Satellite with them, but they're a whole lot of fun!

Crow 2: Ah, those Chinese . . . is there nothing they can't do?

Hibichi: Well, back to it! See you later!

[They walk off. Bodger looks both ways. The flashes are seen again, and more giggling is heard off-screen.]

Bodger: Buh . . . guh . . .

[She falls over backwards, unconscious. Kirin walks on-screen.]

Kirin: And once again, magic works its wondrous ways, and Bodger's mind is blown by it. We'll be right back.

[He presses the Commercial light.]
 

End Part 2

***************************************

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.
Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei (and unfortunately DiC, or at least if everything I've read is true...).
Final Fantasy VI is the property of Hironobu Sakaguchi and the folks at Square, eternal creator of RPGs.
All MSTers in this fic belong to me, although Crow 2 is borderline. That's right, MiSTers. Mads too. Anybody else is probably NOT mine.
Blonde Exchange is the property of Boyce. No offense to the author is intended by this MiSTing.
All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames can be sent to bodgerkirin@hotmail.com

Trimmed for the reader's convenience.